By Bolatito Akinrinola; Therapist, Clinical/ Counselling Psychologist
Child Molestation is also known as child sexual abuse. It is a secret crime involving a range of indecent sexual activities between an adult and a child.
According to the National Violence Against Children Survey, it established that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 10 boys experience sexual violence before the age of 18 in one way or the other.
TYPES OF MOLESTATION
-Making a child watch pornography
-Exposing the genital to kids
WHO COULD ABUSE YOUR CHILD?
Studies show that over 95% of sexually abused children are abused by persons known or close to the child or the child’s family.
ABUSERS ARE MOSTLY NOT STRANGERS
They are right there in your house, co-tenants, family members, lesson teachers, neighbours. Their friends in school, hostel, classmates,class/school teachers, cousins, uncles, nephew, niece, fathers, step fathers, grand fathers, imams, choir masters, pastors, confidants, security guard, maids, family /school drivers, After school teachers , teachers, mummy’s friend, daddy’s friend, caregivers, strangers…….. the list can go on.
Please, do not ask if any of the above is possible because, there is no case of any of the above that has not happened.
CAUSES OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE
Parental negligence, carelessness, non- challant attitude.
*It is as bad as *No one can be trusted*
We have a child presently carrying a baby that belongs to her father*
Parents who do not observe.
When the kids are not informed…..
What you watch with your kids.
Indecent dressing by our children.
WHERE CAN YOUR CHILD BE SEXUALLY ABUSED?
✓On your bed
✓Right under your nose, under your roof
✓In the school environment- class,toilet etc
✓ In their room (siblings)
✓ When you are distracted
Perpetrators look for opportunities.
5mins is enough to cause a life long damage
HOW DO PAEDOPHILES GET THE VICTIMS?
a. Emotional bait
b. Gift bait
c. Financial bait
d. Familiarity & Respect bait.
- Child grooming
Befriending and establishing an emotional connection with a child, and sometimes the family, to lower the child’s inhibitions with the objective of sexual abuse. -Wikipedia-
Gaining the trust of a minor with the intention of having sex relationship with them.
HOW TO IDENTIFY A POSSIBLE ABUSER
A. Always trying to be around your child or vice versa
B. Child feels uncomfortable when he/she sights the abuser or when the abuser is around.
C. Easily and conveniently accept to care for your child while you are away.
D. Can be hard on the child especially if the child is rejecting his moves
If any of the above is observed, please, shine your eyes. Or sometimes, your child might feel uncomfortable /rejecting to go to the person when you send him or her Or even go for holiday.
Sexual abuse happens among sibblings, set rules, separate their rooms, separate their beds. We had a case of twins having sex with each other. When they were asked, they said: we see mum and dad do same
Why should we be that careless?
Because of the carelessness of both parents,their innocent minds were polluted and their lives were destroyed.
WHAT A PERPETRATOR SAYS TO A CHILD WILLING TO SPEAK OUT
•I will kill u
•You will die
•Your mummy will hate you
•Your mummy will beat you
•Your mummy will blame you.
•Your mummy and your daddy will die.
•He could cut the child, lick the blood and say’ this is a blood convenant between us ,the day you tell is the day you die
Teach your child The SRR
S – Shout/scream
R – Run
R – Report
POSSIBLE SIGNS THAT YOUR CHILD HAS BEEN ABUSED
✓Difficulty in walking
✓Sudden drop in academic performance
✓Poor social interaction
and so on.
✓Sexually Transmitted Diseases.
Their dressing is important, dress to cover them please. Teach them privacy. They must knock and seek permission before they enter your room.
It is wrong to bath them together irrespective of sex.
children never lie about abuse If your child tells you someone is trying to mess with him or her…. Please believe the child and respond appropriately.
EFFECT OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE
-The abused child could become a serial abuser
-Lifelong psychological trauma
-Infected with STDs
More often than not,we pay more attention to the girls than the boys.
With my years of experience, boys are mostly victims- anal sex but because we do not pay attention.
For them, healing is a terrible process.
WATCH OVER YOUR BOYS Something might just be happening and you perceive not. Do not be a hard mum. Strike a balance between love and discipline.
Give your children Sex Education proportional to their age. A child of age 2 or even less is due for Sex Eduacation.
Tell them what nobody must do with their body.
Tell them to speak out.
In the house, everyone must respect one another’s privacy.
Child molestation is real, it is more painful if it happens under your very nose. Please bond more with our Jewels, we want to receive them back to school bigger and better than they left. Above all, pray for them always. The child molesters will not go near them but we must play our part