Of course if you had to choose between a relationship that is peaceful and one that is ladened with regular conflicts, everyone would choose to have peace of mind. But we all know, relationships cannot particularly exist without occasional arguments, differences and conflicts. That’s sure.
While fights are often said to be good for relationships because they have the potential of making your love better and stronger, settling those fights is actually more important.
Having lovers’ fights is important, settling the fights is importanter!
So when these spats occur between a couple, when the arguments and screaming matches end, wise couples always look for a way to discuss, apologise and resolve their differences.
While communication does the job, many times, it is sex that actually settles everything completely. Raunchy, toe-curling, passionate sex!
Why is this so? According to research, conflicts between couples has a way of increasing feelings of sexual desire in them.
Generally speaking, heightened emotions do wonders for sex. That means, if you experience fear, sadness, happiness and other emotions, the post-feeling you get is one that’s very agreeable with sex.
All the shouting, screaming, anger and annoyance that happens during those fights will often leave partners feeling distant from each other, but the sex that follows is a kind of bandage which brings them back to the level of intimacy that was disrupted during their emotional conflict.
Research shows that the effect is strongest when the argument is actually successfully resolved before the sex. In that sense, the sex is meant to be the final re-bonding tool, and not a replacement for healthy communication and conflict resolution techniques in your relationship.
Check out this 2008 study out of Israel’s Bar-Ilan University. Researchers suggested that people tend to be more interested in sex with their partner after being primed with feelings of emotional threat, such as being asked to imagine their S.O. falling in love with someone else.
Marissa Nelson, a marriage and family therapist in Washington, D.C. adds that during couple’s counseling, couples have been known to admit to having a pattern of “fight, and then get freaky,”
She says: “The release of the ‘love hormone’ oxytocin during sex makes couples feel closer. They get that ‘feel good’ rush that soothes some of the emotions that may have come to the surface during the argument.”
As already mentioned above, nonsexual emotions –such as happiness, fear, sadness, anger etc – still has a way of affecting your body’s response to sex. So if you’ve felt any of these emotions intensely prior to sex, it makes sense that the sex is going to be more pleasurable.
Though there’s no research on the subject, emotionally keyed-up sex might even make for better orgasms, according to New York-based therapist Douglas Brooks.
“As I have often observed, most orgasms are not due to the mechanical pounding of intercourse but because of the intense heightened emotional state and arousal prior to blast-off.
Often during an argument, particularly a passionate argument, our bodies get worked up, too.”
Note, however, that makeup sex is only going to have a beautiful effect when communication and good conflict resolution is also involved. Sex alone will not be able to save a relationship filled with hostility and resentment.
Finally, the lovers’ fights referred to here does not include physical abuse and constant emotional abuse. If a relationship becomes too unbearable and robs you of peace and happiness, sex is not the answer.
Getting out of it may sounds like a way better option to consider.